Things Are Shaky

My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 11 months now, across an international border. We’ve had our highs and lows and it’s been worth every minute of it. We’re pretty mature, I more prudent than him. Summer was probably the best time for us because we didn’t really see each other more than usual (once a week), but we had all day to talk to each other.

It’s come to a point now, though, deciding on where to live next year, that things have gotten to become very difficult. He would live an hour farther than he does now from me, and he was convinced it would work out then. However, my plans have changed and I’m really considering moving a few hours north.

Of course the good boyfriend says, “I want what’s best for you,” and, “I don’t want to hold you back,” but I know he would feel like I would be giving him up if I leave.

But I’m the girl who wouldn’t be held back by someone. Though we’re so close and have liked each other for years and that has developed into a genuine love, a good education is still more promising than a teenage romance.

I’m afraid to lose him, as I’m sure anyone is afraid of losing someone they’ve known a while. I don’t want to go back to having no one to hold and comfort me the way a boyfriend would – and maybe that’s very needy and selfish.

However, other things have changed too. Being in Canada, I’ve never gone to a homecoming before, and I was invited to his friend’s school to go as his date. It was a fun weekend, but even dancing with him, it felt distant. I gazed off and wondered what it would be like without him when I was supposed to be thinking about how much I loved him.

It’s hard to want to be so independent but want that affection at the same time.

It’ll either pass or we’ll end up breaking up. Whichever way it works out, it’ll be for the better.

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