My friends know best that I have many extremes. I’m not the type to be completely predictable when it comes to moods. But in every random, there is a pattern. Some days I’m happy and find that life’s too short to be sad. Other days I reminisce and I’m nostalgic, constantly looking back. Some nights I want to go out and party and prove that no man can control how I behave. There are those nights where I might cry and lay in bed and wonder why people even bother with such things – why don’t they think more instead of acting.
Hamlet was a man of thought, finding himself in states of madness or depression. Fortinbras was a man of action, letting no time go to waste and claiming the day as his own. Is it normal to switch roles so often?
What I was trying to explain to my two closest girl friends is that I think I just want to experience everything. I want to know how it feels to hate yourself and think you don’t deserve food. I want to know how it feels to drive around partying to Californian music in the summertime, careless and free. I want to be independent and without a man but I also want to give my entire self to a man and let him take care of me.
I want to suntan in a thunderstorm.
I admire the women who are kind and gentle and genuinely so – i.e. Audrey Hepburn or Carey Mulligan. But more often I admire women who misbehave and claim their right to do that. I want to feel able to everything. Tell me I can’t do something and it evokes me to do it just to prove that I am equal to you in authority.
I’m not a disrespectful person. To be honest, I’m hardly the type to try the things that title a girl ‘wild’ and ‘carefree’. I’m too scared. But I have no objection to those things because really, life is too short. So why not experience everything?