It’s gotten to the point, after months of not seeing or talking to you, that I’m kinda okay again. I can live my life without feeling pressured by someone or having to try to impress a certain crowd. I can focus on who I want to be. I’ve found people that appreciate the person I’m fighting to become and who want to watch me grow and succeed. Instead of you.
Though sometimes I still do, most mornings I don’t think of you right away and most nights I don’t need to pretend I’m in your arms. In fact, sometimes those arms feel constraining instead of safe. I’m seeing that you caged me up instead of let me fly free. I guess I’m seeing just how much I don’t need you after all.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. That doesn’t mean that when I do think of you, nostalgic melancholy weighs me down and all I want to do is listen to the songs that remind me of you and remember… everything. When I think I need you or just want the support you used to give me (before you changed), it’s listening to those songs that remind me what being in love felt like. And for that time with my music, I’m with you, just hanging out and having a thoughtful discussion about life, love, and the future.
Those songs are you. Though you’re out of my life for now (I’m still in denial about “forever”), those songs will never leave me stranded on a lonely night.