Control

Whilst trying to fall asleep, I had this (fairly simple) realization which lead to a new meditation. Essentially: “You cannot control the world, but you can control yourself.” I’m not sure if it is solely because of my anxiety or my youth or whatever, but almost always I feel like the world and life are…

To All the Men I Ever Cared About

Dear Blondie – I kind of feel bad about chasing you in kindergarten, demanding you to marry me. It’s been about 15 years, but I’d like you to know that I don’t do that anymore. Dear Shy Guy – Our timing wasn’t right. I cared about you for years, before I knew love was even…

Habits

My mom always says that a mood is a habit: you choose to be happy, sad, bitter, or anything else based on the course of your thoughts. And I’ve been really busy with horrible thoughts… Sometimes it’s extremely hard to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. I’ve been constantly reminding myself about the people…

I’m Tired

I’m tired of seeing mascara adds trying to pretend that dark, thick lashes will add vivaciousness to the heartbroken woman’s life. I’m tired of hearing empty promises and hollow compliments from people who don’t care about my rise but don’t want to be blamed for my fall. I’m tired of writing and singing and putting…

If There’s One Thing You Need to Know…

It’s that I don’t see myself as myself. I don’t see myself as a single entity that I can control or will into action. I see myself as this magical, powerful, and terrifying siren. I will others, I manipulate logic, and I jump to conclusions instead of swim in the moment. I see myself as…

Blue

I see her with her beachy blonde hair – a supermodel. Her eyes are small, sweet, kind, and blue. The kind of blue that reminds you of babies. She’s thin, but not unrealistic, and her thighs are gorgeous. She lays by her boyfriend, his arms around her as she reads. What is she reading? Literature?…

Rainbow Dock

A rainbow dock each board a different colour, tattered, battered, rusted. And that was home. Every creaking step took me closer to the water. The water loomed green and aging but I was comfortable with its tug at my heartstrings. Each blink and I grew wearier, and though I felt heavier, the water felt thick…

Drive

I don’t know where I’m going Headlights at all angles flashing, driving me crazy. Driving – away from or to something? Engine roaring, honks, wind shrieking through the crack in the window. I am alive and breathing. But I don’t know where I’m going. Clack, snap, pill, swallow. Wallow. Vodka doesn’t burn any more than…