I speak in lists,
for everything about me is to do
with me improving.
I don’t find myself to be very
worthy of affection,
but I can’t tell people that.
There’s a list for things like that,
for words that can’t be spoken.
It’s right there with “I still miss you”
and “I never stopped loving you”.
That list is on a list of things that
hurt that most, that pokes
daggers into healing places.
I speak in lists because
there are rules about situations
like you and I.
There are things to say, things to avoid,
ways to act, and ways to feel.
I speak in lists because I
don’t know any other way to behave.
There are things to do,
and there are lists for that.
I speak in lists
because I still want you,
but we are an impossible situation,
put on the list of ‘have-nots’.
And yet, if I could make a new list,
it would dare to do the impossible,
it would dare to speak in words,