I had coffee today, which spikes my anxiety, which was a bad decision obviously. And though anxiety sucks ass, it forces me to shift my perspective. Anxiety is a way of thinking that leads you to think of the worst-case-scenario. It’s so easy to just go, “Yea, my anxiety sounds right. I definitely fucked up. My life’s a mess. I have no way of organizing my life. I’m in a perpetual state of making mistakes and dealing with the guilt of them.” If you listen to your anxiety, you’re gonna spiral into a very pessimistic, dangerous, and scary state of mind.
It takes a while. It takes getting used to your anxiety – learning your triggers, where it comes from, what the anxiety is trying to make you feel guilty about – to learn how to actually deal with it. Once I learned to recognize an anxious phase, I had to learn how to prevent spiraling into a disastrous series of bad thoughts and possible anxiety attacks (which, if you don’t know, feels literally like death – only worse). So while it’s easy to give into the negative thoughts, the fight against it is so much more worth it. It’s a tough battle, but it’s one that leads to the complete opposite state of mind – gratitude, positiveness, and purpose.
Even if at first it’s kind of fake – I am, after all, just trying not to feel like I’m dying from all of my worst fears – your thoughts become habits that shape your life. The positive vibes you force out into the world and even within yourself, they’ll do wonders for you.
So while anxiety is a shit storm and it likes to darken my skies with massive clouds, it has trained me to bring sunshine into my own life. It has given me the superpower to change the weather. It has given me choice out of a very fearful, limiting, out-of-control situation.
Thank you anxiety, for being a prick that taught me a lesson. Thank you for teaching me that you are just a bully to finally knock the shit out of to discover my own strength.